you're better than that

I'm not really in an epic mood this afternoon, but there are a couple of things I would like to share.

There is this one fellow crew member at TJ's that seemingly hates me. And I'm not really sure why. I mean, there are people all over that probably hate me, but I can generally pinpoint why (I say things that are hurtful and worth hating, that's for sure). This guy, though, I don't know. I know he has a problem with women in authority (not that I exactly am, I'm just training...maybe that's the problem), and he especially doesn't like white women. He's from a very traditional country and I get that and I really do try to respect it. In the same vein, though, we're in the US where women are allowed to hold whatever position they see fit and can accomplish any job they so choose.


So, I've had a few run-ins with him and they tear my stomach up. I HATE confrontation. I will defuse any situation...but get me really hopping mad and then I get emotional, then I lash out--verbally of course. Well, I told one of the higher ups (the guy right below our store's captain) and he suggested that I start to document any incidences between me and this other employee. So I did and the captain and I spoke of it--and this guy can totally be nice and charming, it just seems like I bring out the worst in him, so my captain was totally supportive, but she admitted she's never seen that side of him. But she concluded before I did, aloud at least, that that's probably because she's the boss and controls whether or not he stays employed.

Anyway, back to the point. I was in the office last night with Paulo and he was talking to another full timer as she just got back in town and needed to be updated on some things. So, the offending employee (OE) came to the saloon doors of the office and was waiting. I had keys and I could get him his register drawer if he needed it, so I offered him his drawer. He responded with, "I'm here to talk to him." Fine. Paulo ended his conversation and helped out OE. I was just so pissed that I had to start out the night with that kind of comment (I could have helped him with what he needed, but he wanted to take yet another chance to put me in my place) that I just shut down. When I get super pissed, I become eerily quiet. That's my mother in me. I respond to questions in short, clipped, hushed tones and they are generally monosyllabic, "Fine," "Ok," or my favorite: "I don't actually care." I say all of these in a very no-eye-contact, reserved sort of way. I have my battle walls up and am ready for attack. OE walked away and Paulo asked me a question about something silly (probably about the cookie that some old man made me and brought in on a paper plate with plastic wrap over it and my name written in black marker on the wrap and Paulo ate my cookie! But, feeling bad, he replaced it with a not-so-homemade cookie that we sell in the store, but I digress) and I just looked down at my notebook and didn't respond. My second mother Maggie walked in and she spoke to us, I didn't respond, so Paulo nudged me and was like, "Let's ignore her together," loud enough for her to hear. She walked away and he was like, "Hey, what's wrong? I noticed the total mood shift." Now, let me say here: I have a lot of male friends. I've had more than one love interest, and not many are really that plugged in to changes in the female mood and if they do notice, they don't know how to respond.

Ok, so he said, "What's up with you and OE?" I said, strained voice, "I don't know. I've never done anything to him and yet he's just so rude. It makes it hard for me to do my job." He asked what has happened (our captain had given him a heads up seeing that as he's the third in command at our store) and that's when I just got snotty--"Like the other night when I asked him to open up register 5 and he responded with F- that. And then later I had to ask him to help close up the front end of the store and he acted like he didn't hear me. And then a couple of weeks ago he was in the front office with another coworker (she happens to be young, good looking, not in a position of any authority, and his same ethnicity) and I asked if he needed anything--as he shouldn't be hanging out in the office--but of course I didn't say that, and he responded, "I wasn't talking to you." He's just so rude and I'm tired of being the only one that gives a damn and says anything. I just hate (cue me walking away) that he gets to be an asshole and no one cares."

Paulo responded, "You're better than that."

And I muttered, "I know." So I continued where I was heading and thought about it. Paulo's totally right, I am better than that. I'm better than whining and complaining and calling someone names and getting nasty. Yes, I was right to tell the people that needed to know what was going on. But I need to trust them to do their jobs too, and they have rules and things they have to follow for this sort of thing. And I'm better than this. I've been taught to turn the other cheek and just continue to be Christ's example regardless of what I think of the other person. And temper tantrums are not attractive, they aren't professional, and they aren't effective either. And they certainly aren't the greatest quality this company would be looking for in a future manager. So I put on my Fake It Till You Make It smile (I wore that one many a' time during evening activities during camp) and then later on I apologized to Paulo. I apologized for losing my cool and he grabbed my hand and said in all seriousness, "If that's you losing your cool, then you don't have anything to worry about in life." So that was nice to hear. It's just nice to be around people that believe in me (especially really cute hunky ones! Oh, I found out: He's Czech. So, if you were wanting a better mental picture of complexion/nose composition, there ya go.) He was very supportive and was pretty much telling me to shake it off, and again: I'm better than letting some chauvinistic jerk get to me.

I have a job to do and I'm going to do it. And as the other full-timer of the night (who has also been uber supportive as of late) said on the same subject, "You're here to do a job and you're doing a good one. It's not your job to make sure everyone likes you. It's your job to complete your tasks, do them well, and make sure the customer gets the best experience possible. If one little person doesn't like you, it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Sure, don't treat him poorly. But just realize that there's only so much you can do, you can't be friends with everyone, and move on."

I really feel like I've carved myself into a niche there at TJ's and I feel almost invaluable. That's a nice feeling. It's a nice feeling to know that I can keep that job and enjoy it while pursuing other interests. It's a nice feeling to know that I'm pretty good at this job.

Enough about all of that.

I just got a very important email pertaining to my Chrysalis weekend...so I need to go read that and respond! Oh, and I totally found another total cutie online! Hooray!

(PS: still no word from Piano Boy :( )

(PPS: this turned epic, sorry. I can't help it!)