to Voddie or not to Voddie...

I'm sorry to all of my loyal readers that aren't hopelessly sappy and romantic like I am...you might as well just stop here and go read The Onion or something, because I am totally a hopeless romantic and for the first time ever, I have an actual reciprocating object of my affection, and this is my blog, so I'm going to write about him. I hope you understand.

11.30.08 11:52 pm

November 6th is the day we exchanged phone numbers. We've spoken almost every day since then (and I include texting in that, because, well, I love texting and flirt texting is just plain fun). Tonight we spoke for an hour and it felt like a short conversation because we've had four hour discussions with no hesitation. Each day I awake thinking, "Is this guy for real? Did I really just have a four-hour phone conversation where I only had to do 50% of the talking?" And so I'm led to this point:

Let me tell you a little back story. Several years ago (I just tried to get a date by googling it, but no luck) I heard this four-part sermon series by a man named Voddie Baucham. I go to his website from time to time and I don't exactly agree with everything the man has to say, but this sermon series I heard several years ago, entitled Love and Marriage, has 100% rocked my world. Everything I thought I knew about relationships and marriage and love went out the window and I could not be more thankful to God for that. I was believing what the world was telling me, and clearly that model doesn't work, so I decided to follow what my heart was telling me was Truth and I was there, third row on the right at the singles Bible study with 3000 of my closest friends for four Tuesday nights, and because of those four hours, my life has been wonderfully changed.

If I haven't burned you this sermon series yet, I'm truly sorry, and I will totally do it upon your request. It's not just for singles. I know quite a few married couples that have benefited greatly from just changing their perspective.

So, on October 14 (a couple of weeks after I was matched online with Jeremy, and a couple of weeks after I had sent him the first round of communication and a couple of weeks after I still hadn't heard from him), I re-listened to Voddie's message and this is the email I sent to a couple of my fellow Voddie supporters:

So I finished listening to Voddie yesterday and he really spoke to my heart (again!)--well, I guess it was God speaking to my heart through Voddie, but whatever.

My point is, my search for just any man ("by the time she reaches 32 she's just looking for a man who knows where a church IS!") has definitely overshadowed the fact that I'm not actually looking for any man. I'm looking for the right man.

And these lines in particular stuck out yesterday enough for me to pause the track and type them out:

God delights in finding men who have pursued this picture so that He can say, "Yes, I can trust you with the illustration of the relationship of my Son and His church."

"God, I believe you have the BEST for me. And so there are certain baseline things about which I WILL NOT compromise. He must be a man who leads in love. He must be a man who leads in the word. He must be a man who leads in righteousness. He must be a man who leads in selflessness. He must be a man who leads in intimacy. He must be. If he's not all of these things, then I won't even MOVE to the discussion of further things. He must be these things because these are the things that you, God, have said that you desire to give to me!"

So my patience has been renewed, my hope restored, and my passion to really be who He calls me to be as a woman and possible wife has been rekindled.

--

Fast forward to this past week. My thoughts of Jeremy are turning more serious (I get it, it hasn't been a month yet, I totally understand how creepy and quick this is for most of you. but you've all known I'm not a normal girl and I don't do things in a normal fashion...and I'm praying every second of every day that I'm doing this God's way, that this is His idea, and so far I really think it is.) and before it gets more serious, I just feel like he (Jeremy) should know how I feel about marriage and love. How I feel about what I'm called to be as a wife and what I believe he's called to be as a husband.

I've chewed on the idea of sending Voddie to him. I asked my faithful Voddie friends what they think and I go two distinct answers. One was: slow down. things will happen in their own time. and the other: be who you are, Jeremy already digs what you've got going on, and if that includes Voddie, then so be it. So I heeded the first because at that exact moment I needed to be told to shut up, sit down, and take a deep breath. And now I'm heeding the second. After tonight's phone conversation (which included him telling me about his horrible day and my heart was warmed because I felt like what I was doing, listening, giving support, and being a sounding board, was fulfilling a part of what I'm meant to do.) I feel like he really is into me enough that he won't be taken aback by my sending of these CDs entitled Love and Marriage. With the sermon I'm sending the Rebuilt Records library because he asked for them--why did he ask for them? Because when I talk about Rebuilt, he said he wants to know what I'm talking about and he wants to be familiar with who I'm really into. I like that. I like that a lot.

So while writing this I've been burning CDs. I will then write a little note about all of the albums and most importantly about the sermon.

Cute thing of the evening:

So, the first week Jer (I haven't officially called him Jer yet, but, well, for writing's sake, it's easier than writing out Jeremy every time) and I were talking on the phone he went out on a limb and said he'd most likely be in Atlanta over New Year's for the Peach Bowl (he was thinking up until this past weekend that his team, Ole Miss (he's an alum), would be playing in it) and he so cutely and with bravado said, "Yeah, maybe we could go to the game together and hang out." I hated to rain on his parade, but I had to: I will be in Maine from December 27-January 3 (hip hip hooray!). So then last week I brought it up again seeing how long he'd be in town to see if our schedules would mesh. They won't, at least not over New Years, and we left it at: we'd figure something out. It was brought up that we could meet either in Nashville (where I have a wonderfully good friend) or Birmingham (where I have Rebuilt friends that I feel comfortable enough saying: "Hey, I'm meeting a guy I met on the internet for the first time this weekend here in B'ham. Can I crash with you guys? Can you make sure I stay alive? Do you have any suggestions on what we could do together here in town?") and I can be free on weekends and he works on weekends (being a youth pastor and all) and he's especially busy leading up to the holidays and so am I working retail.

Tonight, we were discussing football (football or Braves baseball is brought up at least once in every conversation) and he was trying to measure my sadness level that Georgia Tech beat Georgia this weekend. We then discussed Ole Miss' blow out (45-0) over Mississippi State on Friday (I totally earned Best Potential Girlfriend ever points by keeping up with the game, which he was at, and texting him the things I was learning). He then said that he might lose points with me by saying it, but he was kind of happy GA lost yesterday because that meant Ole Miss might go to the Capital One bowl in Miami or the one that's played somewhere in Texas. I forgot. Anyway, I asked what day the Capital One bowl was and he said Jan. 2...and I said (he's the cute part of this entirely too long story lead-in): "Good thing we didn't make plans for New Years then." Him: "No, if we had, I'd be in Atlanta watching it on the TV with you. Or better yet, I would have driven to Atlanta, picked you up, and we would have headed to Miami together."

No seriously. Adorable.

Ok. It's almost 1 am. I have a full week of work ahead of me. I'll try to blog more and I'll try (try) to not make everything about Jeremy. But seeing that as I'm experiencing at the age of 27 what most girls experience at the age of 15 or 16, I feel like I've earned the right to act like a 15 or 16-year-old over this one.

It's my blog, I can crush if I want to.

--Had Thanksgiving with my newly relationship-rekindled "aunt and uncle"--she's really my mom's cousin and her husband, but we don't know what exact relationship that is: first cousin once removed? second cousin? and it was wonderful. I've craved having a real blood-tie family my whole life and I'm finally feeling it and it's amazing. Also, my house is decorated for Christmas and it's heavenly. My mom's really into it this year and that makes my heart glad. And I've been listening to Sufjan Stevens' Songs For Christmas while I write this and it's amazing. His rendition of Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing blesses my heart every time I listen to it, for sure.

Happy December everyone!

seriously, there's no excuse

There really is no excuse for not blogging in over a month. None at all.

But thanks for not giving up on me!

I have a list of all the things I want to get all of you, my blogging public, caught up on...but right at this moment it's below freezing here in georgia, I'm still cold from coming in from work over an hour ago and there's only really a couple of things I want to talk about right now:

Mandi's birthday is Monday and her sweet boyfriend D came up with this elaborate scheme and a box from UPS labeled from her Secret Admirer that was filled with packing peanuts and really contained 2 itunes gift cards...so adorable. So happy (early) birthday Mandi!

Also, my mom and I went to my former best friends' wedding in October. I posted those photos on facebook. I tagged the bride. She un-tagged herself without writing why. And I got a thank-you card from them in the mail tonight. It's the most non-descript, non-personal thank you card in the history of thank you cards. And it only thanked us for part of our gift. So weird.

and before I go climb under the covers and get warm I want to officially announce: I've met someone. He's a real someone, like, he's not just one of my MANY crushes...he likes me back and everything. We met online and he's adorable. We've been talking a lot on the phone for the past two weeks...actually, we've been texting a lot too. we discussed last night about how our schedules could mesh so we can meet face-to-face. I'll definitely keep you updated. He makes me laugh continuously and he makes me blush because of his sweet and complimentary comments...it doesn't take a lot to knock my socks off because I don't have anything to compare him to! Praise God! So, let's just pray pray pray pray pray pray that above all, I'm walking in the Lord's way and that Jeremy (that's his name) is doing the same. The last thing I need and/or want is another unrequited love. Oh, he's 28, shaped like a fridge, and he's a youth pastor in mississippi.

not only have I been a bad blogger, but I've been a bad blog reader too. I'm sorry, friends. Work has got me on internet lock down and I generally just want to go to sleep or watch TV when I get home from TJ's. But I'll make a concerted effort to get caught up.

I'd love to hear from all of you! Happy November 21st!